#im currently reading the novelization of the first movie …its very interesting

[birdbath09]

me when im feeling like marty mcfly with a little propeller hat and a comically large lollipop

[bylersboy]

intro post (finally)

ive debated making an intro post because first off ive been on tumblr for two years and I never got around to it and secondly I am really really horrible at talking about myself because what is to much info and what it to little info and the cycle continues but im giving it a shot because I feel like my mutuals have no idea who I am lmao

HAI my name is Charlie im 15 (18+ I dont mind if you follow me but please dont dm me thank you :]) I use jasper as an online name kind of (at this point its just reserved for my best friend ace but I dont mind if other people call me jasper since I still love the name)

my pronouns are he/him but im also perfectly comfortable with common neopronouns (it/its xey/xem) if you wanna get funky with it.

im a self diagnosed autistic and ARFID (if you dont know what that is its an eating disorder where certain factors make you avoidant and restrictive of the food you eat and it has nothing to do with physical appearance. for me its linked to my autistic sensory issues(ALSO OCD NOW?!!? WHAT THE FUCK?!!?)) I have depression and anxiety and the only reason I mention this is because I relate my mental health to my fav characters in tv shows and books and stuff so if you see me posting about them like everything is connected lol

(my a03 is ghostwithfeet if you want to see me be silly and project my weird life onto fictional characters (I am the most inconsistent updater in the world please expect nothing from me if you even ask about a project it will scare me and like I turtle I will crawl into my shell never to see the light of day again))

my interests really vary about current hyperfixations but heres the master list

current hyperfixs

stranger things specifically Byler but mostly mike wheeler (this has turned into a special interest(I DO NOT support Noah schnapp or another of the other cast members who are in support of the inhumane actions the Israel government are doing. I am pro saving innocent civilians. I know that this can be controversial to be such a big fan of this show and honestly I have a lot of complex feelings on the matter but im autistic as previously mentioned and its my special interest and It won't leave my brain even if im not directly interacting with the media so im gonna yap about it on my blog thank you.))

also just Finn wolf hard for some reason (check out his band the Aubreys its awesome. also check out a recent movie he was in called when you finished Saving the world. it means a lot to me)

donna tarts the goldfinch book

old special interests/hyperfixs

the percy Jackson universe specifically nico di Angelo

the IT universe specifically reddie and Beverly marsh but more leaning towards richie tozier (see what I mean with the Finn wolf hard thing)

dead boy detectives !!

doctor who (I haven't even finished David tenants doctor yet so please no spoilers)

Alice oseman content (never read loveless or iwbft but ive read all of her other stuff)

paper girls graphic novel

other interests

the good place tv show

Kathleen Glasgows book girl in pieces

the walking dead comics including the clementine spin off graphic novels

um yeah thats all I can think of for now

my fav musicians/bands

florence and the machine

indigo de Souza

Kevin Atwater

searows

daffo

leith ross

Lowkey ive also been fucking with Sabrina carpenter

the Aubreys

sadurn

the cranberries

soccer mommy

runo plum

nep

lala lala

hospital bracelet

Chappell roan

AURORA

Madilyn Mei!

(my music taste is all over the place and is also very seasonal and I have a bunch of underground artists I dont listen to but I am here to give good recs I promise my playlists are fire)

we've gotten to the part of the intro post where im wondering if this is way to much information so sorry if I overshared idk but hope we can be silly mutuals or friends if you want (never be scared to shoot the friendship shot I would love to yap with y'all)

also since this is taking over my other pinned post I just want to put this as an honorary spot and let everyone know that my old pinned post was a quote from radio silence and that Aled last is me and I am him and the February Friday plot line is actually me and it makes me sick how much I resonate with that book

[applescabs]

tagged by @phoenixfangs yayyaa get ready for paragraph assault. it's vacation so I'm watching lots of shit.

reading: oof. lots and lots of things. plenty of ongoing mangas (i mostly follow by the volume) most notably I'm almost done w Homunculus (2 vol left) and King in Limbo's last omnibus is dropping on tuesday (i preordered it) so im excited for that! ig I'm also playing through slow damage rn, which is mostly a visual novel, but it has more gameplay than the usual nc visnov. its a mystery, which im always a fan of.

currently watching: 4 things w my brother; -boku no hero season 7. yes, season 7. yes, I still like this series, in fact I think it's really good and it's kinda funny to me how there's so many joke posts going around (made by people who havent even seen it) about it being shit. it airs on saturdays but we usually watch it on sundays (because that was more convenient last season and it sorta stuck) -isekai suicide squad. its entertaining/interesting enough and has some good animation sometimes. it airs on thursdays so we literally just watched the newest one. i like clayface n deadshot in this one. -blue lock. i went to the Nagi movie w another friend and then managed to convince Finn to watch the show with me. he's not a sports anime guy (this is his first) so we'll see how it goes, lmao. we're trying to watch s1 before s2 drops in october, but we're keeping it a weekly thing, watching it alongside new releases. -jojo part 3 ova. we watch this one sporadically since the episodes are longer than the standard nowadays, so he's not always in the mood. the music in this one was made by one guy with his midi soundboard, but I love the vibe of the whole thing, very different from david prod p3. I'm also watching 4 things myself; -Cowboy Bebop. constantly in awe of how good it looks. the fine details on the ships and weapons... augh. its making me want to check out more 90s animes. i'm also a big fan of how it does its storytelling, its got good visual language and utilises "show dont tell" well. i exclusively watch this one on the tv instead of my laptop, its too good for the laptop. -Shuumatsu Train. one that i didnt finish last season that i decided to pick back up, since its strange and interesting enough that it seems like a waste to leave unfinished. -Boueibu s1. im rewatching s1 so that i can immediately watch s2 afterwards (havent seen it yet) -Tasogare Outfocus. what can i say. i always watch anything gay that comes out (not that i always finish them...) i do also like movies and moviemaking so the backdrop interests me as well.

currently craving: im actually like. full af i just had icecream for desert plus an iced coffee afterwards. ig im craving brushing my teeth.

coffee or tea: see thats the thing. cant choose. im choosing both. i like to have both coffee and tea at night, coffee as a nice after dinner treat (mostly iced coffee, if it's hot i usually drink it in the afternoon) and tea late at night when I'm chilling. might make some tea after i stop being so full. also zach i might just have to take you to court over the sweet tea thing. better find a good lawyer.

tagginggg @kuwupikaa @sunflowermews @isleofair @drakefisher @xrd n anyone who feels compelled to do thisss

[riotlain]

Fluff Alphabet with Damian Wayne

ISTG I PUT THIS IN A WHEEL AND IT GOT HIM OK

so yall can request any characters in my masterlist if you want me to write 3-4 letters for em

THIS IS A NWLNW BLOG!! WOMEN DNI!!

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I feel like it varies depending on his overall mood. One day could just be you 2 watching a movie together, the next being a giant nerf war in the manor, then it yall just be taking a nice walk.

All depends on the vibe of the day

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Physically? I think he’d adore your face. He’s unsure as to why but he just loves staring at it. The faces you make to certain things, the freckles, dimples and all that? He loves it.

Damian also adores your passion for your interests and how happy they make you.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

In my opinion I think he lacks empathy. But he’ll try his best to comfort you when you’re upset, providing emotional and physical support. Want to be left alone while youre sad? Ofc! He’ll be there if you ever need him tho

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Damian doesn’t have a solid idea of his future. Living in a simple house and a simple life sounds nice. But since he’s the son of batman and was (is?) the heir of the League of Assassins you dont get a normal life.

So his current dream is atleast a family of sorts. Many pets. Maybe a child if you want one.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Damian is rather stubborn. He’ll end up being the more dominant one in the relationship I suppose.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He forgives rather easily if given a nice apology. Or even an “Im sorry”. As long as you show change he can never stay mad you

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Very grateful. Youre the only bit of normalcy in his life and he loves that.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Very upfront when he trusts you. Once you know about the LoA and that he’s Robin theres truly nothing much for him to hide.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

You changed his overall attitude i guess. He’s alot more smiley now. Are the batbros a tiny bit scared? Yes

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He’s a jealous fella at times. Once he saw someone give you a gift and his first thought is “That should be me who gives them something like that…” He ends up trying to top whoever he’s jealous of.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Hah no hes not. He doesnt enjoy long kisses. Small ones are more for him.

The first kiss was rather awkward where you 2 hit each others noses on accident. It was a small kiss but it was something.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

He reads cheesy romance novels and thinks of something really nice. Starting with a simple “Would you like to accompany me on a… date..?”

It was rather cute.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Yes. He has a very nice plan in his brain for everything. He would propose a while after highschool, probably during an anniversary, in the moonlight.

Something cheesy like that

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

He calls you basic things mainly Dear/dearest, my love, and other cheesy things like that.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Hes stunned. Him? Damian Wayne al Ghul? Has a crush? It cant be! Hes in denial for the longest and he admires you from afar. Its not obvious at all. Infact you think he might hate you at first.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

No he isn’t. He’d rather keep things between you 2. Why would everyone need to know you 2 are dating??

The most pda is hand holding, cheek kisses and the like.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Congrats! You get to learn how to use a sword and probably various other weapons/self defense!! He cant have you gettin hurt or anythin like that can he?

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He’s a very romantic person. Mainly cliche things tho since he reads them off romance novels.

Do the other batbros tend to make fun of him? Yes.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Your number 1 supporter!! Hes there to help you every step of the way and cheer you on!

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He likes to keep a routine. As routine as possible for being Robin atleast.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

They know you very well. He lacks empathy so he tends to pick up your patterns to help you through any tough times or just do something nice.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

This is probably his first relationship. You mean EVERYTHING to him. He would go through the lazarus pit if needed.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He cant bake or cook but you 2 try it sometimes. It ends up with it either burnt, not fully cooked or just a mess. Its a fun date

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Not the best at showing affection. He’d rather be in your presence more than anything. Ofc if you want to cuddle he isn’t opposed to that.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He probably has some of your clothes in his room. He misses you? Oop hes wearing your sweatshirt you left over.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Like I said. Lazarus Pit shit baby. Would kill if it meant protectin you

[moemoemammon]

im so sorry i dont know how to format this but could i request hcs of mc walking into one of the brothers rooms in the middle of the night and being like “um i had a nightmare.. can i stay with you”🧍if not its okay though!! :]

I Had a Nightmare...

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

Lucifer always keeps his door locked when he's asleep, so you took a gamble in choosing to come to him for your post-nightmare comfort. Luckily, the eldest is a night owl so he's awake.

He looks up when you enter his bedroom, currently sitting on his bed and reading a book. He's about to scold you when he sees the face you're making.

You don't even have to tell him something's wrong, because he can tell. He sets his book aside and gestures to the empty side of his bed.

Once you climb in, Lucifer shifts slightly, just so your arm is pressed against his own. It's like an invitation for you to lean in if you want, and should you choose to, he'll wrap you in his arms and carefully rub your back.

"A nightmare, hm? It's interesting to think that there are things that can scare you, considering where you are right now. But there's nothing for you to be afraid of. After all, I have no intention of letting anything bad happen to you, so long as I live."

Mammon

Mammon startles awake the moment you enter his room, nearly toppling out of his bed in the process. Grrr, he could've seriously gotten hurt! What're you trying to pull, suddenly barging into his room like th-

Oh. Oh.... He takes one look at your face and all that anger of his fizzles out into nothing. He's a little self conscious being shirtless and all, so he awkwardly tugs on a tshirt that's been tossed to the floor, and makes his way over to you

What happened? Did someone do something?? Ah.. a nightmare, huh? Mammon's big brother instincts are taking over, and he's pulling you into a tight hug, squeezing out all your worries.

And when he's finished, he ruffles your hair and gestures to his bed. A human like you still needs to get their rest, so you should try to sleep some more. But if you really can't, he's not against the idea of the two of you bundling up and watching a movie or something.

"You're like a little kid, ya know? But don't worry, the Great Mammon's gonna chase away those bad dreams o' yours, no problem! ...Hah? Whatdya mean 'that's cheesy'?? I'm being serious here!"

Levi

Levi's definitely awake when you enter his room, but he doesn't notice you. His computer monitor has his undivided attention, and his headphone are drowning out the sound of your entry.

So it takes you tapping his shoulder for him to react, and boy does he react. Levi nearly has a heart attack and only calms down when he realizes it's only you. Did you come to play games? You should've texted him and he’d set everything up! But wait... that's not it?

You had a nightmare and of all the places you could go, you came to HIM?? Levi's having a hard time pushing down the grin on his face, but he collects himself for your sake. Now's no time to be feeling giddy when his best friend is in need!

He might not be great at comforting people, but he knows what helps him when he has nightmares. So he wraps you up in a blanket and pulls up a chair for you to use so you can watch him game. This is better than thinking about that other stuff, right?

"I'll turn down the screen brightness, and- UWAH! W-wait! Um... no, it's fine. I don't mind if you lean against me like that. You're tired, so it's probably more comfortable like that. I'll keep still, okay..?"

Satan

Nightmares aren't something Satan experiences often, being born of rage and the only pure demon in the house. He reads enough horror novels that he's practically become immune to anything scary.

But that doesn't mean he never has bad dreams, so when you come into his room to tell him about yours, his expression softens up. You caught him in the middle of reading, but you're more important than any silly book.

Satan gives you that warm look he reserves only for you (and cats), and gestures for you to come closer. He's got the second comfiest bed in the house, the first being Belphie's. Topped with warm quilts and plenty of pillows to support him as he reads, you're wrapped up in warm comfort once you join him.

Especially when he wraps an arm around you, giving you a curious look. He can be a little too curious at times, so he immediately asks what your nightmare was about.

"If you're interested, I have a guidebook for dream interpretations. I could try to find out the root of your worries, or... you could spend the night here instead? I wouldn't mind having you by my side until morning."

Asmo

Asmo is VERY invested in his beauty sleep. Even a slight deviation in his schedule could be disastrous for his complexion! His brothers know better than to disturb him lest they feel like dying, but you? You're the only exception... Lucky, huh? ❤️

When you touch him, he barely stirs. It takes a couple of shakes to get him to wake up, and then he's whining and grumbling until he realizes who's there. How could he be upset when he gets to wake up to your gorgeous face?

But right now.. your expression isn't bright and sunny at all. You look distressed, and he soon learns it because a pesky nightmare has been harassing you all night. He couldn't be happier that you chose HIM of all people for your comfort!

While there are many things he could do to help you forget about your bad dream, he opts for carefully guiding you into his bed, cooing sweet nothings until he's got you in his arms. You're enveloped in the smell of his sweet body lotion while he presses kiss after gentle kiss across your temple and down the bridge of your nose.

"There there, love. To think a nightmare has put you in such a state.. It's unforgivable! I'll get rid of all those worries so you can spend the rest of the night dreaming about my beauty! Or... about you and I. Wouldn't that be the perfect dream?"

Beel

Beel sleeps almost as soundly as Belphie does, and his monstrously loud snoring drowns out most sound, including your quiet knocking on his bedroom door.

But when you come in and tug on his sleeve, Beel's eyes blink open and he lets out a confused grunt, letting his eyes focus on the darkness around him. Where did that mountain of rainbow pizza go?? He wasn't even halfway done, and- Oh. MC.

You had a nightmare?? Beel stands up immediately and wears a look of worry, pulling you into a gentle hug. You look like you need one.

He's not the best when it comes to comforting words, but he can just show you how he feels. That's good too, isn't it? Maybe if he hugs you for long enough, you won't remember your nightmare.

"Do you want to take my bed? I'll sleep on the sofa, so- ah. Together? ...That's fine, too. I'll hold you close, so you don't have to be afraid anymore."

Belphie

The heaviest sleeper in the entire Devildom, it's a literal miracle that you managed to wake him up. Still, he's only half awake, and staring blankly at you while you explain why you're there.

A nightmare, huh? He's had plenty of those. If that's all it is, then just climb into bed with him. Belphie lazily pulls back his blankets and opens his arms for you, gesturing expectantly.

And once you're nice and cozy, he pulls you even closer until the gap between you is closed, and all you can feel is his warmth. He buries his face into your neck, tickling your skin with his breath.

His slow, heavy breathing makes you wonder if he's fallen back to sleep just like that, but he gives your side a reassuring squeeze and lets his eyes open slightly to look into yours.

"Must've been pretty scary if you came all the way here. No matter how many bad dreams you have, I'll be right here when you wake up. It feels better to wake up in my arms, doesn't it?"

[justalitlecreacher]

Anakin Skywalker Deserved Better

Ive made this post before but it was really rough and i meant to edit it later and its later now but its been so long that i don’t feel like finding the og post so here we are. If it’s not obvious i care more than a normal amount about Anakin Skywalker.

Tl;Dr: I firmly believe that there are so many points in the prequel series, the clone wars, and even the comics that some level of intervention could have steered Anakin away from falling in Revenge of the Sith.

The Phantom Menace 

This is our first encounter with Anakin, and it does a decent job at introducing us to him. This movie sets up his tragic backstory™️ and gives us a good look at his personality; Anakin appears selfless and eager to help complete strangers in return for nothin when he first brings Qui-Gon and crew to his home to give them shelter, and then risks his life in the podrace to help them afford the part they need to fix their ship. Aside from introducing and developing Anakin not much else happens until Qui-Gon brings Anakin before the Jedi Council where they decide he is too old and there is already too much anger in him to be trained as a Jedi. Qui-Gon disagress, but we move on to Naboo where 9-year old Anakin blows up a very large ship all; by himslef w/ autopilot ( they grow up so fast), Qui-Gon dies, and we get our first look at Palpatine being creepy in hindsight, “And you, young Skywalker, we will watch your career with great interest.” not all that weird out of context but uncomfy when you remember who Palpatine is.

Before we move on i actually want to flashback to Anakin’s first encounter with the Jedi Council. For a group of people who constantly take in and raise children, the Jedi seem to do a poor job interacting with them. A kind of infuriating thing about this scene is that the Jedi seem to shame Anakin for being afraid (no matter how much Anakin himself denies that fear). This scene does a really good job at setting up how the Jedi consistently fail to take into account that Anakin is fundamentally incapable of being a “normal” Jedi. Anakin has had a fundamentally different childhood than any other Jedi and absolutely needed more help and support than the average Padawan from the very beginning. Granted it is possible that the Jedi tried to get him the help and support he needed, but if they did we can infer they failed from Dooku’s line in Revenge of the Sith, “I sense great fear in you, Skywalker. You have hate, you have anger, but you don’t use them.”

Obi-Wan And Anakin Comic

The Obi-Wan and Anakin comics take place sometime between The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. The story focuses on Anakin and Obi-Wan investigating a distress signal on a planet that has been destroyed by war. The comic also flashes back to reveal that Anakin is thinking of leaving the Jedi Order after Palpatine shows him the dark side of Coruscant, and tells him that neither the Jedi nor the Senate will be able to do anything about it. We get more creepy (not just in hindsight this time) moments out of Palpatine here. The first one is when he uses his position as Chancellor to gain access to Anakin under the guise of “helping” him.  “Why young Skywalker is a Jedi, is he not? The Jedi are under the Senate’s jurisdiction. And as I am the Chancellor of the Senate...”. Palpatine proceeds to take Anakin to a club of some kind where they see a corrupt senator gambling; Palpatine also mentions how “Lives are bought and sold here everyday” he then makes a show of apologizing for bringing it up considering Anakin’s past.Without context this would seem harmless enough, but with the context of Palpatine’s true identity it is more likely a ploy to subelty remind Anakin of how the Jedi and Senate are unable or unwilling to intervene on Tatooine or the rest of the Outer Rim. Palpatine reminding Anakin of the Senate and Jedi’s inability to help everyone seems to be a running theme in their meeting as the series continues. 

Aside from Palpatine being a creep; we see that Anakin is still just as willing and eager to help as he was in The Phantom Menace. His skills in mechanics result in him being briefly kidnapped so that he can fix weapons that will help one side to win the war that has destroyed the planet. Seriously Anakin is just so ernest in these comics that i shed tears because i know how his story ends. 

One character that Obi-Wan and Anakin team up with to reach the distress signal first mistakes Anakin for Obi-Wan’s son, and then tells Obi-Wan, “He [Anakin] doesn’t think so. Kid idolizes you. You can see it” when Obi-Wan admits that he’s not sure he is the best suited to teach Anakin, and fears he has failed him in some way. As the story progresses, it is revealed in a flashback that after Anakin told Obi-Wan he wanted to leave the Order, Yoda sent the two of them on the mission they are currently on to give Anakin a chance to reconsider his decision, and Obi-Wan tells Yoda that if Anakin returned from the mission still wanting to leave the Order, Obi-Wan would leave with him to continue his training and keep his promise to Qui-Gon. 

Attack of the Clones

Back to the movies. Attack of the Clones reunites Obi-Wan and Anakin with Padmé Amidala when they are assigned to protect her from an assassin. One of ( if not the) most important elements to this movie are Anakin’s dreams/visions of his mother. Towards the beginning of the movie Anakin doesn’t explicitly say what the dreams are about, but it can be assumed that the dreams are unpleasant as he says, “I don't sleep well anymore.” in response to Obi-Wan commenting on him looking tired; going on to claim that he cannot sleep because of his dreams. Anakin later admits to Padmé that he worries about his mother. This is one of the key moments in Anakin’s life that set him up to fall in Revenge of the Sith. There is no reason i can think of that Anakin should not have been allowed to check on his mother if he was having dreams about her that prevented him from sleeping properly and made him worry for her safety. As Anakin says, “Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi's life, so you might say we're encouraged to love.”. If compassion truly is central to a Jedi’s life, then surely they could at the very least send one of their 10,000 Jedi to check on Anakin’s mother if he could not? Is it compassion to deny someone the help they need? I find it hard to believe that Anakin would not have told Obi-Wan that he was worried about his mother going off of how close they appear to be in the previous comic. Especially after Anakin responds to Obi-Wan joking about Anakin being the death of him one day with, “Don't say that Master... You're the closest thing I have to a father... I love you. I don't want to cause you pain.” 

Anakin and Padmé arrive too late to save Shmi, and she dies in Anakin’s arms. This is a crucial moment leading up to Anakin’s fall as it shows Anakin that his dreams have a very real potential of coming true and likely results in him blaming himself at least partially for not insisting on checking on his mother or getting there sooner or doing anything different that may have allowed her to survive; it’s also the first time we see Anakin really lose control. There have been instances of him lashing out in anger before (turning a pair of padawans’ lightsabers against them when he hears them making fun of him behind his back), but nothing like what happens in the wake of Shmi’s death. Anakin wipes out the entire village of Tusken Raiders; children included. And while Anakin does express genuine remorse for his actions, he never faces consequences for them. It’s not even clear if anyone but Padmé ever finds out; Yoda claims to feel Anakin’s pain in the wake of his mother’s death, but does not appear to see Anakin’s actions, and is not shown to discuss what happened on Tatooine with Anakin at all.

Some light googling on my part revealed that in the novelization of Attack of the Clone, while Anakin did tell Obi-Wan about his mother’s death it was Padmé who told Obi-Wan how she had died, but Obi-Wan is unaware of what happened afterwards. “Anakin had told him of Shmi’s death; that was why he and Padmé had gone to Tatooine, he said. Obi-Wan had talked to Padmé later, and she had explained that Shmi had been kidnapped and killed by Tusken Raiders. Neither of them had been willing to go into much detail, and from what Obi-Wan knew of the Tusken Raiders, he didn’t blame them. It was no wonder Anakin seemed shaken, if his mother had been tortured and killed. One day, perhaps, Anakin would be willing to tell him the whole story.” Obi-Wan appears to know that there is more to the story than he has been told, but it content to wait until Anakin is ready to talk about it. I wonder if they ever had that conversation.

Anakin’s inability to save his mother even after the warnings he receives in his dreams likely leads to his desperation to save Padmé form the danger he believes her to be in later in Revenge of the Sith. He has been shown once before that his dreams can easily come true, and he is desperate to prevent this dream from coming true no matter what the cost may be. 

The Clone Wars

This is gonna be a long one; it’s gonna have to cover the most relevant episodes of The Clone Wars and oh boy that’s not a small amount. Im gonna try to go chronologically but bear with me (if you actually read this far you know what you got yourself into)

Assassin s3ep7

In this episode Ahsoka begins having visions of Padmé being assassinated similarly to how Anakin dreamed of his mother’s and later Padmé’s deaths. The difference with Ahsoka is that she is able to prevent the visions from becoming reality.  What i want to focus on in this episode is the reaction Ahsoka gets when she tells Yoda about her dreams. Yoda explains to her that her dream may be telling her something and provides her with the means to act on her visions to prevent them from becoming true.

When Anakin approaches Yoda about his dreams in Revenge of the Sith, Yoda simply tells him that death is natural and he must train himself to let go of everything he fears to lose. We could chalk this up to just a writing inconsistency, but i dont think i will. I would instead like to wonder why Yoda treats Ahsoka’s visions like they are something that can be changed but then treats Anakin’s like they are set in stone. Anakin has already proven himself capable of having true visions, and is more force sensitive than any other living Jedi. It makes no sense to dismiss Anakin’s feelings like this. All this to say looking into and helping Anakin to examine his dreams instead of telling him to let go when he has proven over and over to be incapable of doing so would likely have been significantly more helpful in the long run.

The Mortis Arc S3 Ep15-17

Honestly i dont have a lot to say on this arc aside how much psychic damage it dealt to see Anakin briefly turn to the dark side because he was so desperate o avoid the future The Son had shown him ( really hope everyone had the common sense not to bring that up to Anakin after the fact though).

 The Deception Arc S4 Ep15+18

In this arc Obi-Wan fakes his death in order to go undercover as the bounty hunter Rako Hardeen and uncover a plot to kidnap the Chancellor. This wouldn’t be a problem if they had brought Anakin in on the plan; instead they use Anakin’s reaction to Obi-Wan’s “death” to better sell the illusion. Obi-Wan even says, “Keeping Anakin on the outside was critical. Everyone knows how close we are. It was his reaction that sold the sniper. I'm sure of it.” Obi-Wan and the Council are fully aware of how much Obi-Wan means to Anakin, yet they all decide to use those feelings to their own advantage with little regard for the consequences.

On top of betraying Anakin’s trust; this move leads Anakin to doubt the Jedi Council and wonder what else they may be keeping from him if they  were willing to let him believe that Obi-Wan was dead as long as it suited their interests. “How many other lies have I been told by the Council? And how do you know that you even have the whole truth?”. 

I just cannot imagine why they thought they even had to use Obi-Wan for this plan. In the Obi-Wan and Anakin comic, Obi-Wan claims that there are 10,000 Jedi; surely there is someone less connected or with less attention on them who would be more suited to go undercover without the element of faking their death. Or if faking their death was necessary, surely they could have picked a Jedi who was not closely attached to arguably the most emotionally unstable Jedi in the Order. Anyone else would have been better. I don’t doubt that Anakin was telling the truth when he said, “If it was up to me I would kill you right here! But lucky for you, the man you murdered would rather see you rot in jail.”.

The Deception Arc just really grinds my gears because it really is almost like the Council wants Anakin to fall. There really is no excuse for how they use his bond with Obi-Wan against him for their own gain. The Council and Obi-Wan know full well how much Anakin loves Obi-Wan (see Anakin referring to Obi-Wan as the closest thing he has to a father in Attack of the Clones), and chose to use this vulnerability against Anakin in the worst way possible. 

This arc really sets Anakin to later doubt Obi-Wan and the Council in Revenge of the Sith, and make it easier for Palpatine to convince Anakin that no Jedi would understand him and that they would likely kick him out of the order and not help him. ( heck he even has a recent memory of the Jedi expelling a 14 year old from the Order for the sake of not looking bad in the eyes of the Senate. “I understand your sentiment, Obi-Wan, but if the Council does as you suggest, it could be seen as an act of opposition to the Senate. I'm afraid we have little choice.” i might go more in depth on this one later but this doesn’t feel like the right place as this is a post about Anakin and i don’t want to make and Ahsoka centric arc all about him).  

That wraps up the Clone Wars! Finally!

Revenge of the Sith

Ok big finale. Revenge of the Sith; so close to being my favorite Star Wars movie, but it almost made me cry in the library so its my second favorite (Attack of the Clones is my favorite). 

I’ve already touched on the dreams Anakin has of Padmé’s death in the Clone Wars segment, but it bears repeating and i have more to touch on. Im not 100% if im misremembering or not but i cannot recall Anakin ever explicitly telling Palpatine about his dreams, but Palpatine knows that Anakin fears for Padmé’s life anyway. It’s possible that Anakin just told him off screen but a fic i read recently ( It’s called give me one more night by Spongyllama on AO3 and it is so worth the read) introduced me to the theory that it had been Palpatine sending Anakin the dreams to begin with.

This theory has a good amount of legs to stand on honestly. As mentioned previously, Anakin never tells Palpatine about his dreams, but Palpatine still knows exactly what to tell Anakin to best manipulate him. Furthermore; Anakin’s dreams very likely would never have come true if Anakin hadn’t fallen; Padmé reportedly dies of heartbreak, something that could not have happened had Anakin not fallen. All signs point to Palpatine being behind the dreams (and we know that Anakin and Palpatine are close by the time Attack of the Clones occurs so it’s not out of question that Anakin may have told Palpatine about the dreams about his mother, giving Palpatine the idea to use those dreams against him later)

Conclusion

Honestly the biggest thing i think the Jedi could have improved on was just trying to understand Anakin better. The average age for entering the order is 2 to 3 compared to Anakin’s 9. Anakin entered the order years after any other Jedi, and because of that was able to remember his mother and had formed attachments (or attachment but i digress) before he had even reached the order. It should have been obvious from the start that if Anakin were to ever become a successful Jedi he would need significantly more help than the usual padawan.

We frequently see Anakin scolded for forming attachments or being too emotional (see Clone Wars s1e6-7 where R2-D2 goes missing and Anakin suggests taking a squad out to look for him “Anakin, it's only a droid. You know attachment is not acceptable for a Jedi.”(Obi-Wan) “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”(Yoda). etc etc)  But, to the best of my knowledge, we never really see anyone showing Anakin how to let go. Anakin lacks the tools he needs to properly deal with his emotions, so the best he can do is shove them down and pretend they don’t exist because to him that’s what a proper Jedi does. No one has ever told him otherwise. The explosion was inevitable.

Anakin Skywalker was a traumatized child who was most likely never taken to therapy or told how to deal with/ healthily show his emotions in any way other than to ignore them or push them aside on top of being manipulated by Sith Lord from a young age. With all these factors is it really a surprise that Palpatine was able to turn him?

ok im done; see yall next time ig

[bladling]

rules: tag a few people you want to know better; make a new post, don’t reblog!

tagged by @lowkeyanakin ! tysm it made me smile that u tagged me 🥺❤️⚔️

currently reading: ROTS novelization and Glittering Images: a journey through art from egypt to star wars (art nerd so im so hyped to start reading this!!!). im also on book 3 of dune!! (god im in the middle of like 8 books. how do people consistently read one?????)

last song: Yes Sir, I Can Boogie by Baccara. ive been very into 70s disco and light french pop lately :)))

last movie: attack of the clones lmaoooo. im watching all of star wars with my bff rn because shes never seen 🤯

last series: HALSTON!!!!❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏⚔️⚔️⚔️ watched it for the first time on thursday and then rewatched it yesterday... it blows me mind. i love a good tragic story. THE DRAMA!! this song reminds me of him: https://open.spotify.com/track/54UPoHNQuqAqOQAZ2hl1il?si=3Yih3JhPRT-_JuzAe4KStQ

im also currently watching moon knight!! im not at all a marvel fan and i dont consume marvel media at all... but oscar isaac so u didnt have to try hard to convince me to watch this lmao. all of u guys on here posting so many gifs now i GOT to see it huh? (im liking it tho! i hope it stays good)

sweet, spicy, savory: hard to choose between spicy and savory.. depends on my mood...

coffee or tea: TEA FOR SURE!!!! i have a huge collection of loose leaf tea. kinda nerdy about it. coffee is too bitter for me but girls who drink it just plain black r hot and sexy and hold my hand. i wish i was as strong 😫

three ships: obikin, anakin/me, obi wan/me, and to make it interesting: obi wan/anakin/me ❤️

first ever ship: this is so embarrassing but i was obsessed with the ya*oi (SHOULD I CENSOR IT LMAO???) manga jun/jou roman/tica when i was in middle school 💀💀💀

currently working on: oh boy.. i just have so many illustration ideas i want to do!!! working on some commissions, and i have thumbnailed 2 oil paintings i really am so excited to start now that i got my new easel set up!!!!! 🙌

favorite piece of clothing: my warrior cats hoodie and my anakin tshirt i got on etsy because its so fucking funny www.etsy.com/listing/1122803188

comfort food: my moms pho is zee best

favorite time of year: spring! seeing the new greens and blossoming flowers is very inspiring

fav fanfiction: lmao not surprising but Lex Talionis by intermundia. this fic is what made me fall in love with obi wan and anakin more. changed my life because them and star wars has changed my life 🤯.

i have so many other fics that i would also consider my favs!! all of u r so talented and make the best fics... how!!!!!

no pressure tags ❤️: @unspuncreature @nyaladinstormblessed ......... bruh i cant think of any other mutuals at the top of my head rn

tagging any one of u silly guys who want to do this ♡

[lestappenwdc]

Tag 9 people to learn more about their interests!

@mscalifornication thank you for tagging me <333

MUSIC

fav genre? pop, rock, pop rock, classic rock, punk rock, pop punk, some hip hop, but ill listen to anything really (except what serbian new age “singers” are doing rn i stay as far away from that as possible)

fav artist? Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson

fav song? rn id say Vent’anni by Maneskin

most listened song recently? Vent’anni i think..

song currently stuck in your head? Good 4 u by Olivia Rodrigo

5 fav lyrics?

All the lonely shadow dances From the cradle to the grave It's a solo song And it's only for the brave - Only The Brave - Louis Tomlinson

Tie a noose around your mind, loose enough to breathe fine and tie it To a tree, tell it, "You belong to me This ain't a noose, this is a leash And I have news for you, you must obey me"- Holding On To You - Twenty One Pilots.

You booked the night train for a reason So you could sit there in this hurt - Champagne Problems - Taylor Swift

I am my mother's child, I'll love you 'til my breathing stops I'll love you 'til you call the cops on me - Writer in the dark - Lorde

We're sleeping on our problems like we'll solve them in our dreams We wake up early morning and they're still under the sheets - Too Young, Louis Tomlinson

radio or your own playlist IT DEPENDS IM SORRY IM NOT CHOOSING I DO BOTH | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

This was so difficult it depends on my mood on half of those

BOOKS

fav book genre? angsty fan fic lol.. but yeah i like classics, sci fi and thrillers

fav writer? Jane Austen, but ive been the most fascinated by Dostoyevski so i can’t not mention him,

fav book? Pride & Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, Veronica decides to die.

fav book series? Most of what ive read is for kids but my fav is His Dark Materials for sure!

comfort book? recently My Policeman before that Pride & Prejudice

perfect book to read on a rainy day? I don’t really reread books unless its pride and Prejudice lol

fav characters? Raskolnikov

5 quotes from your fav book that you know by heart? Are you testing my knowledge on p&p right now? Let’s see I’m curious how much i know too..

In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings can’t be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently i admire and love you.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in a possession of fortune must be in want of a wife.

I do have compassion for your nerves, they are my old friends.

Your mother will not see you again if you don’t marry Mr Collins and i will not see you again if you do.

and of course: She’s tolerable but not handsome enough to tempt me.

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator  | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary | rereading or reading just once

TV AND MOVIES

fav tv/movie genre? comedy, thriller, crime, drama

fav movie? Bohemian Rhapsody

comfort movie? Bohemian Rhapsody

movie you watch every year? idk ..

fav tv show? Mr Robot

comfort tv show? Schitts creek for sure. And sometimes the good place but mostly Schitts creek

most rewatched tv show? schitt’s creekand Brooklyn nine nine (technically its friends just bc its constantly on tv)

ultimate otp? Destiel forever

5 fav characters? Tommy Shelby, Dean Winchester, Eleanor Shellstrop, Nairobi, Jesse

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging |one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

All in all im very indecisive

I’m tagging @mamaharry, @nauticalfools, @hometothecanyonmoon, @sunshineandhazza, @halosanchor, @shevinyl, @harryandlouisarehappilystrong, @tanktop-lou, @foreverfanficaddict

[maggielindemanns]

tag nine people to learn about their interests!

TAGGING: @ijzerengels @calumthoodshands @redrattlers @thenervousduck @arzkiya-hai @kritiquer @lesbianearn @sondergf @embeddedinmybrain @vexedtonightmares @tsjernobyl @bandsanitizer @tarcyjonsson and anyone else that wants to! idk who did this or not, sorry if you already did it but you may of course ignore me.

aaaa also thank you @ottelu for the tag! love u bestie <3

MUSIC

fave genre: r&b and pop, for sure

fave artist: ariana grande, halsey, savannah ré, normani, alina baraz, kiana ledé, chloe moriondo, troye sivan, the neighbourhood, bastille, 5SOS (& luke hemmings solo !!!!!! my baby) — basically i love music, we been knew, i have so many faves i can’t pick one

fave song: rn it’s for sure ur best friend by kiana ledé ft kehlani or girl on tv by chloe moriondo

most listened to song lately: according to last.fm, it’s wild side by normani agskdhsk i do wish she released it without cardi tho i’ll die on this hill idc its fine i just skip her part

song currently stuck in your head: you right by doja cat actually and ur best friend i couldn’t stop singing those two at work

five fave lyrics (in no particular order, there’s too many i love omg)

“i know i’ll never meet your expectations / but the picture that you paint of me looks better in your mind” — high, 5SOS

“you don’t believe in one divine / but can you tell me you believe in mine? / ‘cause you’ve been my god, my god / and when you’re gone i’m godless, i’m godless” — godless, banks

“you’re the only one, you’re the only one / i’m so wrapped up in a daze / hoping this is just a phase / but when all is said and done / i know you are still the one” — the only one, the black keys

“i get lost inside all the stars in your eyes, it’s a galaxy / you control the tide like the moon in the sky, you’re the gravity” — more than enough, alina baraz

“standing there, you look at me / understanding everything / yeah, it’s so fascinating / you patch up the blood and the cuts / but our blood got mixed up / so i guess we belong to each other” — love song, yungblud

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume | slow or fast songs | music video or lyric video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

fave book genre: idk i prefer like YA novels and romance i guess but idc really, i just don’t like fantasy stuff like harry potter or . historical fiction?? i guess you could call it?? (tried to read pride and prejudice for leisure ……….. boring as fuck like holy shit) or science fiction like boring boring boring idc no offense to anyone that loves it of course

fave writer: don’t have one really

fave book: aaaaaa i don’t have one of these either !! the one that always comes to mind though is giovanni’s room, but i just love that book, it was brilliant

fave series: mmmm i don’t really like series but caro’s got me into reading trc so i guess that’ll be my fave series once i’m done!

comfort book: rwrb <3

fave book to read on a rainy day: giovanni’s room sgsjdhsj i literally reread it bc it has some of my fave lines ever

fave characters: adam parrish, blue sargent, ronan lynch, gansey but he on thin ice, ari and dante, aiden navarro, alex claremont-diaz, charlie and nick (actually . everyone in heartstopper except the characters that are a plague <3), and more that i cannot think of most likely

five fave book quotes: (again no particular order i love so many)

“My dear fellow, you forget that we are in the native land of the hypocrite.” || “The world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold. The curves of your lips rewrite history.” — the picture of dorian gray, oscar wilde

“topography on the map of you, a world i’m still charting.” — red, white, and royal blue, casey mcquiston

“It is cruel to have made me want to live only to make my death more bloody.” || “I loved him. I do not think that I will ever love anyone like that again.” || “And here my baby came indeed, through all that sunlight, his face flushed and his hair flying, his eyes, unbelievably, like morning stars.” || “And there’s something awful about being at the mercy of a stranger.” — giovanni’s room, james baldwin (ik i cheated so bad w this SHUSH)

“And then I think we all realized what fools we’d been. We might get out sometime, but she was locked up forever in that body.” — girl, interrupted, susanna kaysen

“You and I, we don’t walk the lines. We just follow the echoes.” || “My mother used to say, ‘Don’t throw compliments away, so long as they’re free.’” His face was very earnest. “That one wasn’t meant to cost you anything, Blue.” — the raven boys, maggie stiefvater

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | read at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by summaries | rereading or reading just once

TV & MOVIES

fave tv/movie genres: coming of age, romance (ehhh to some degree), i like indie movies, idk same as books i dont like science fiction, historical stuff, or fantasy im boring okay

fave movie: dont have one tbh

comfort movie: speech and debate or easy a

movie you watch every year: dont have one

fave tv show: dear white people or skam + remakes, i like other ones tho like stranger things

comfort show: skamverse <3 not exactly an answer but mhm

most rewatched tv show: skamverse or dear white people OR THE FOSTERS …. dude …….. i used to watch that all day every day then they took it off netflix …. now it’s dance moms i play for background noise and watch on occasion

five favorite characters: lionel higgins, joelle brooks, olive penderghast, lucas lallemant, eleonora sava, fallon carrington, howie (speech and debate), connor walsh, annalise keating, wes gibbins, archie coleman, ellie chu, beth harmon, lara jean covey (yes here i am overlisting again i’m so sorry)

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging (well …. i don’t binge actually i have a horrible attention span) | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

[ruby-read]

mid-year book freak out tag! - 2021

best book so far

a court of mist and fury by sarah j maas - 5 / 5 stars

need i say more? it was just so good.

best sequel so far

bitterblue by kristin cashore - 5 / 5 stars

i don't think i have talked about the graceling realm series and how much i love it on here but here i am.

i loved every book in this series but bitterblue stood out to me because even though it was incredibly long, it kept me gripped throughout. there was an unsolvable mystery (maybe im dense though) that kept me guessing for hundreds of pages and just a glimmer of romance which i usually miss when its not there but this stood on its own without it.

i thought bitterblue was an extremely strong character and it was a great ending to a companion trilogy (before winterkeep was announced and continued it). also, loved seeing all of the characters come together at the end and seeing katsa and po pop in and out.

new release i haven't read yet but want to

the nature of witches by rachel griffin realm breaker by victoria aveyard

something about witches and elemental magic just sounds so awesome to me and i am just so drawn to this book.

and i am currently enjoying the red queen series and love a good found family so im hoping to love realm breaker. ive heard mixed things so im gonna lower my expectations a little but still excited.

most anticipated release for the second half of the year

these hollow vows by lexi ryan aurora's end by *** ******** graceling: the graphic novel by kristin cashore six crimson cranes by elizabeth lim the hawthorne legacy by jennifer lynn barnes

idk why i am so excited about these hollow vows but i am and i think it's just gonna be a (hopefully) exciting fantasy romance. im hoping for two sexy men and a bad BITCHHH of a main character.

ive heard only amazing things about six crimson cranes so i am very very excited! i've been waiting for this book i think since january and its almost finally here!

aurora's end (even though the authors are cancelled) i NEED to finish the series then they will officially never receive my money again. the cliffhanger at the end of aurora burning was so incredibly uncool and so now i have no choice but to see what happens in the finale.

the graceling graphic novel. do i need to explain myself?

and the hawthorne legacy is the next installment in the inheritance games series and i really enjoyed the first book! the mystery and the way patterns were worked into it really had me intrigued and i was itching to know what was happening for the entire book. so excited to see what happens in the next one!

biggest disappointment

the crown of gilded bones by jennifer l armentrout - currently on pause/possible dnf

this book was just so boring but also SO much happened in the first 50 pages that i was honestly incredibly confused? and there was just overwhelming info-dumping about the history of the world and an underdeveloped plot. idk i just couldn't get into it (which was really disappointing bc i loved akofaf). thinking of dnfing...

biggest surprise

crown of midnight by sarah j maas - 4.5 / 5 stars

ok so. i really did not enjoy throne of glass. after reading the acotar series and then jumping into throne of glass, i hated the love triangle, the intrigue wasnt enough to get me engaged until the last third, etc. sooo i was even considering not reading the rest of the series. but of course like the sjm stan that i am, i had to. and this one was so good. i wrote a review on it so if your interested in more in depth thoughts go take a peak!

favorite new author (debut or new to me)

kristin cashore!

the way that she writes political mystery in her world is so good. not a single time did i have a correct guess on what was happening. i also loved how her books had strong woman main characters, but they all had agency in a different way. and how the romance subplots were small but enough to keep the romantic in me satisfied, but also didnt take away from the main heroines story. ugh just so good! love u girly <3

new fictional crush

aaron warner (shatter me series by tahereh mafi)

ok i know hes kind of like super crazy and kind of creepy obsessed, but also like.... cmon. hes kinda super hot too. and i kind of love the i hate everyone but you trope....

art credit: @jessdraw.s

new favorite character

lara (bridge kingdom series by danielle l jensen)

her strength, her agency, her ability to unlearn everything she grew up believing, her power. an amazing and complex character.

art credit: @rosiesfables

books that made me cry

a court of wings and ruin by sarah j maas

if you've read this book u understand why. there was a happy ending for our two main characters at the end but the war that ensued at the end of this book was just fucking heart wrenching and so beautiful at parts i will never forget everything that happened.

books that made me happy

heartstopper vol. 1 by alice oseman

i feel like this series is great for young readers (12-17). it teaches about friendship, sexuality, mental health, asking for help, how to offer help, etc. and tons of really diverse representation throughout. i wish this existed when i was younger.

it made me happy to think about young people reading this series and feeling seen and validated. and about how openly alice oseman illustrates difficult topics and how to deal with them. just made my heart swell.

most beautiful book bought/gifted so far

the ones we're meant to find by joan he

i mean... its gorgeous!!

books i need to read by the end of the year

crescent city by sarah j maas

again as a stan i need to finish this before the end of the year bc i have only heard good things and the second book comes out jan 2022.

favorite book to movie adaptation so far

moxie, shadow and bone, brigerton lol (and very excited about along for the ride!!)

2021 reading stats so far...

45 books read

35,000 pages read

11 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ reads

4.13 average rating

thanks so much for reading my mid-year update! happy reading! : )

[lilikoi-lacroix]

Hello :) just wanted to chime in to say i love your blog and the love and happiness you have for yizhan and tu/mdzs. Im always curious to read whatever you have to say. Pls keep it up. Btw if you dont mind me asking is this a sideblog? Or do you only have this blog here? What other things do you like ie tv shows, movies, music, hobbies, books whatever? If its too personal obv u dont have to reply. Im just curious. Thanks once more for your awesome blog and have a great day :)

😳😳😳 This is so sweet, anon. omg.

This isn’t a sideblog. I used to have a tumblr that I abandoned in 2018 and it was mostly just beyoncé and sasuke shitposting.

I have some personal and work soc media accounts and a fandom twitter I mostly just use to lurk with these days.

I’m not a very confident writer tbh and it’s been surprising to me how much I’ve been feeling motivated to write about mdzs, bjyx and fandom issues here.

other stuff i’m into:

Some other shows that I like: black sails, hannibal, mob psycho100, russian doll, winter begonia, and I recently did a rewatch of hikaru no go I’m currently watching the svsss donghua and I’m almost done reading the novel. I’m waiting for the last episode of sdc3 to get subtitled even though most of the big stuff has been spoiled for me at this point. It’s ok though i’m just watching for my kings huang xiao and qiao zhi. and my son xiao chao. god i should make another sdc3 post. i haven’t looked it up yet because i want to see what happens in the finale first but i’m really curious if there are cpf of huang xiao and qiao zhi 👀👀👀

Other interests include astronomy and astrobiology (life on venus! maybe!) and various fields of history and theory (the two deeply unfun books about war and systematic oppression I am reading at the moment) amongst other things

For some masochistic reason I’m darkly fascinated by cults, mlms (not the fun kind), alternative medicine scams, and debunkings of far right conspiracy theories. My yt subscription list is like 40 bjyx or c-ent channels, a couple of science channels and ask a mortician.  Ask a mortician is phenomenal if not a bit cheesy but be warned that there are graphic images in most of the episodes.

I listen to a lot of podcasts. A few of my favorites are:

-you’re wrong about (two reporters go back to mostly american news stories from the recent past and examine how the story and the people involved were misrepresented at the time.)

-one from the vaults (canadian trans historian morgan paige profiles a different trans person from us, uk, or canadian history each episode.)

-bad gays (each episode two gay historians profile someone, usually a cis man, from western history who can be loosely called gay and loosely called bad. Loosely gay as in the subjects are often from times with a very different conception of gender and sexuality from today and thus aren’t gay in the modern sense of the word. What they call bad ranges pretty widely from innocuous and fun crimes like art forgery to genuine issues like transphobic and racist gay journalists and activists to genuinely monstrous stuff like gay fascists and gay monarchs presiding over genocide and slavery.)

-overinvested (movie and tv critique by two journalists/writers who met in the slash fandoms of the early 2010’s. big crush on gavia) Anyways thanks for asking! I probably won’t post about any of these things here. Maybe I’ll try to restart a general blog one day but right now mdzs and bjyx are what make me the happiest and I want to have a space to just focus on that.

[magical-agatha]

got tagged by @night-dark-woods , hiya lol. ty for the like, thing to do lol. im supposed to tag 9 more ppl i want to get to know better but im only gonna tag a few. @maplespicetransgirl @draciallia @kobold-lesbian @y2k-lesbian

1. top 3 ships: uhhhhhhhh, im gonna say currently rather than all time, glimmer x adora x catra, idk lol its a cute idea and theres a bunch of cute art of them together lol. ive been rly enjoying my next life as a villainess, the mc, catarina, doesnt realise she has at least 2 girls in love with her with a 3rd on the way. i wish i could believe it will resolve in polyamory but. maybe we'll at least see her get a gf. bc. its been very blatant about her friends being in love with her. one of them, mary, has been in love with her for years and is trying to sabotage anyone else falling in love with her, and the other, wont say who bc spoiler, is her reincarnated best friend (its an isekai show) but doesn't realise it, and in the last episode some magic made her speak without inhibitions, and the first thing she does is tell catarina she loves her in like, the romantic way. so you know, fingers crossed. other than thaaaaaat... uhhhhh.... oh i guess poppy and barb from trolls 2. i like that movie. wish it was as gay as it clearly wants to be. also i need to keep watching rwby, ruby/weiss/penny is rly cute.

2. last movie i watched: i watched. half. of osmosis jones with friends earlier today. very gross movie. last complete movie was probably the cgi tintin movie..?? good but idk. before that was trolls 2, for the 2nd time. those movies are great.

3. last book i read: i cant read. well i have adhd so i dont read much anymore. i miss novels but i do listen to audiobooks. currently listening to interesting times by terry pratchett with my gf. last physical book i read was uncaged vol 1, a book of queer dnd adventures with a focus on like, uhhh, monstrous women iirc. its good. def recommend. havent read the whole thing tho.

4. food im currently craving: idk how to answer this lol. i could rly fuck with some mcdonalds or burger king. anything salty spicy and deep fried.. im a glutton and i have sensory issues with food. i tend to eat mostly comfortable or safe foods with good textures and tastes. anything outside my comfort zone usually bad stims me, which is like. horrendous. it makes food hard but also like. good food is rapturous. i like stir fry a lot. my gf cooks stir fry a lot and i always love it. and i like putting condiments on things. bbq sauce, soy sauce, and like, if i can get it theres this rly good peri peri salt they sell at nandos. god i love salt and spicy things. i had a korean burger once that was so spicy i couldnt finish it in one sitting and god i want another. it had a black bun and the chicken was bright red with spices, it was great i miss it. theres this spicy burger mcdonalds did once that had like. battered and deep fried jalapenos on it and spicy salsa and chicken and it was godly. oh and the spicy shaker fries. miss those. dream burger would be something like, korean spicy chicken with some kind of sweet tangy spicy sauce, battered jalapenos, bacon, salad, and a hashbrown coated in some kind of spicy salt. i used to like subway a lot but idk now. i also love donuts. and pastries. and oranges and citrus fruit in general. pears are great too. im not usually into like, candy or chocolate tho its too sweet. oh i love chinese food. noodles and rice and meat and vegetables and sauces, all packed with flavour and amazing textures... chinese food is so good. sushi and japanese food in general tends to be my jam too. most things with rice are rly good. not curries tho i cant eat many curries, i like butter chicken tho thats always good. i could keep going lol i love food. oh turkish food is good. and greek? lots of good meats. tho i cant deal with uhhh... tabouli, parsley kills me on contact idk. and cilantro. but i love souvlakis those are great. pasta is alright, i like tortellini and ravioli and gnocchi with lots of cheese. oh and pizza. with everything on it. especially anchovies. i love anchovies and olives and feta... and pepperoni... and garlic bread. cured meats in general are very good. root vegetables too. capsicum and chillis are yummmmm. im sure i could go on... food is. so good. its euphoric. oh i love ramen too! and uhhh, ramyun i think its called?? i think its korean? its spicy and very good. thicker noodles too. anyway i should stop this is too much lol.

ty for asking my opinion lol

[thebeautytoyourbeat]

I was tagged by @makeitpoppy 🌼

Are you staying at home from work/school?

Im taking my nursing school classes online, but I still go to work as a starbucks barista

If you’re at home, who is there with you?

I have my sister, my little brother, and my mom.

Do you have pets to keep you company?

My baby, October (she is a black cat), my sisters black/white fluffy cat named Archie who meows 24/7, and my German Shepherd named Pearl, who is the biggest scaredy cat.

Who do you miss the most?

Well I still see my best friend at home (my sister) and my other best friend at work :)

When was the last time you left your home?

Yesterday to get dinner from a drive-thru so I could bring it home and watch A Walk To Remember

What was the last thing you bought?

Very random things like some makeup removing wipes and vanilla coke zero

Is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed?

Since I’m in nursing school, I’d say I’m still VERY stressed lol. Also being home too much gets me a little depressed and I turn into an insomniac. 

Are you a homebody?

Absolutely, I wasn’t really one to go out before anyway (my town is way too small and unexciting). However, I find that I’m really missing the small things, like going to the theater. Regarding school, I’d much rather attend class then spend forever at home, frustrated, trying to figure out the huge load of online work I’ve been assigned and going through the powerpoints myself.

What movies have you watched recently?

A Walk to Remember, Ever After, Pride and Prejudice, Pretty Woman, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and Endings, Beginnings (I would recommend ALL of these movies)

An event you were looking forwards to that got cancelled?

I was excited to see the movie Mulan in theaters, it was supposed to come out in March, but I think it's been pushed back to the summer. I’m also really sad about not getting to go to clinicals. I was finally going to see the hospital my mom works at this summer, but its highly unlikely now that I will ever get to see it.

What’s the worst thing you’ve had to cancel?

My cousins wedding was supposed to happen this summer and now she might have to lose her venue and do an at home wedding. She and I are very close, and I’m a bridesmaid in the wedding, so I’m just really sad that it might not be everything she has dreamed it to be.

What’s the best thing you had to cancel?

Well at first it was very nice not having to get up early everyday for class lol

Do you have any new hobbies?

Reading- mainly romance novels (btw if you’re looking for a good rec I highly suggest Slammed by Colleen Hoover)

What are you out of?

Nothing serious, just some concealer

What music are you listening to?

Stuck with U by Ariana Grande and Justin Bieber, Mecca by Wild Beasts, Miss You More by Sophia Angeles, and Boyfriend by Selena Gomez are some of my current favorites. And of course any Taylor Swift song 💖

What shows are you watching?

I’m catching up on Riverdale and Grey’s Anatomy. I tried watching Outerbanks, but I just couldn’t get into it. I recently got into Good Girls and omg I didn’t think that show would be so good lol (its very funny and I highly suggest it)

What are you reading?

I just finished reading Skyward by Brandon Sanderson via audiobook and I finished the last book in the Three Dark Crowns series. Recently finished the After series too.

What are you doing for self care?

I bought myself a candle from Target that supposedly smells like the cologne Harry Styles wears- its called Cashmere Vanilla and smells amazing if you're interested. So for self care, I will light that, put on a facemask, and listen to some music.

Are you exercising?

Not so much. I’ve been doing some light yoga most mornings though.

How’s your toilet paper supply?

Have yet to run out of toilet paper thank goodness.

Have you made any changes to your hair?

No, but I really need a trim. I have straight across bangs that are so long now that I need to sweep them to the side

I tag @hufflepuffannie @happy-joyful-spirit @waurrior and anyone else who would like to do it 💕

[gotatext]

PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology 

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad. 

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory 

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film 

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass. 

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life 

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered 

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe 

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well. 

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze).  animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing 

[pavlovers]

hello lad(ie)s i apologize for not being all that active for the past few weeks i have been spending my out-of-school hours sleeping, having feverish bouts due to a bad case of the flu/bronchitis/not sure tbh but im Sick, and doing midterm prep so ive just been a bit more exhausted than i usually am,, anyways just wanted 2 say that before thanking dear ol’ diana @britneyshakespeare for tagging me to do a thing, so here is that thing:

A. age - im 6teen, life is sweet when youre growing up so faaast you Gotta make the good times last!

B. birthplace - largest city in the US state connecticut

C. current time - 2:19 am as of posting (my sleeping schedule has still not been fixed clearly)

D. drink you last had - do i seem like the type of person who. consumes beverages that are not. woter

E. easiest person to talk to - my braincells r neat companions sometimes i suppose

F. favorite songs (currently) - hmm i was listening to fast as you can by fiona apple a lot a few days ago,, also i just very recently listened to anderson paak’s oxnard and hh tracks like tints and anywhere the california lust is realllll (im sorta thinking of moving in with my cousin and attending school there after i graduate high school)

G. grossest memory - any time i have ever gone 2 school on my period ever

H. horror yes or no - yeah i enjoy it i guess in the most basic sense. read/watched my goosebumps and my encylopedias of the supernatural as a kid. ive only really read a couple of horror novels and the horror-movies-ive-watched-list is severely lacking but yknow the very least i watch buzzfeed unsolved on a semi-regular basis

I. in love - dont know. dont care.

J. jealous of - people who can go an hour without hacking up half their lungs

K. kids - theyre kool little dudes. not interested in parenting one or multiple ones.

L. love at first sight or walk by again - don't have the personal experience to like. say shit so whatever u wanna believe man

M. middle name - ______

N. number of siblings - half sister, shes 21, barely know her

O. one wish - just wanna be done w high school already without like,, having 2 live thru the rest of it maybe?

P. person you last called - i dont call people

Q. question you always get asked - not a question but. old people like to go on about having old people friends that have the same name as me

R. random fact about you - the only friends i talk to during school are the sophomores at my lunch table who like to burst out random cody ko memes and the girl in my chemistry class who really likes cuffing her jeans and somehow understands delocalized molecular orbital theory

S. song you last sang - the hymn “just as i am” by charlotte elliot for choir class (we r singing a very jazzy arrangement of it its kinda cool)

T. time you woke up - 6:20 am unfortunately (was expecting un delayed opening for school today but snow day calculator fed me lies apparently. Sad!)

U. underwear color - yellow i think im not gonna check

V. vacation destination - been there many times already but like,, id like to go down 2 manhattan w my friend and spend the day w her!! we’ve talked about it many times bc theres nothing to do in southern ct when u cant driveTM but my parents are :// about it also with our dumb ap workloads we probably wouldnt be able to go until the summer

W. worst habit - being a real negative nancy

X. x-ray - had them, yeah. dentist obviously also that one time i went to the emergency room because i couldn't breathe and they wanted to know if there was something in my lungs

Y. your favorite food - i have been subsisting off purely congee for the past few weeks (that's not what it's called in my parents language so it's like weird calling it that but yeah basically rice but it's goopy)

Z. zodiac sign - 🦂

tagging: @murobrown @an-aviary-far-from-home @loneliness-rose @orchestralmanoeuvrez @home-in-orbis and anyone else who would want to i dont even know if ppl do tag things anymore so feel free to ignore if u don't and i tagged u

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!